Finding Gratitude in Unexpected Places

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Today seems a good day for reflection. In this case on Gratitude. Years ago I was having an emotional conversation with a close friend about a situation in which I felt like I’d been wronged. It was a long time wound I would never be able to right. My friend listened attentively and then quietly said ‘so you got the gift, it just wasn’t in the package you expected’. And she was right. Out of the turbulence rooted in my childhood, I’d emerged with skills that were exactly opposite of what I’d endured. It had never occurred to me that the experience had cultivated a benefit.

Gratitude is a simple thing, a subtle thing. A choice to be a glass-half-full or a glass-half-empty kind of person. When my kids were young my husband was a consultant who traveled out of town from 3 a.m. on Mondays until 9 p.m. on Thursdays, on a good week. It was a challenging time for me. Sleepless nights carrying me far past fatigue into delirium. I would arrive to drop my eldest child at school, and chat on the playground with other moms who in knowing my predicament would stand back and observe me like one observes a zoo animal through glass. ‘I just don’t know how you do it’, they would utter, usually in a tone that projected a separation between us as mothers. My response was always the same; ‘you just do’. My view was that you could do it AND complain about it, or just do it and use any extra energy to remember that no matter how hard a day may seem, it is the only time you’ll have that given day and there is goodness to be found nested in it.

How Do You See the World?

When thinking of things like food allergies the idea that it too might be the unrecognizable gift would not cross the mind of most. Especially in the beginning it feels like a loss, an exclusion, a covert message that life will never be the same. The holidays tend to amplify that as food plays such a central role in the festivities. While ‘regular’ eaters can have anything they want and not think about it, those with food allergies must practice conscious discretion with every bite. Rather than thoughtlessly noshing through gatherings, we with restrictions must be thoughtful in every moment, and I’d assert by doing so perhaps better appreciate the food we can have. Focusing on the joy of what one has is much more satisfying than focusing on what one does not or cannot have.

What if you knew that practicing gratitude actually bears health benefits? I am not meaning full on Oprah-Gratitude-Journaling-Every-Day practicing gratitude (though that’s great if you enjoy journaling). Just simply feeling fortunate for having a good day, or a good moment in a day. Or maybe as small of a thing as exchanging a warm smile and wave with your mailman. For the sun shining on your face. For being healthy. For being loved.

Practicing an attitude of gratitude has been studied and shown to improve people’s level of stress, their happiness, their success at work. It can reduce symptoms of depression, strengthen our ties to others, and improve sleep quality. Gratitude can improve your personal productivity, facilitate a more positive outlook, and reframe life experiences to see the benefits rather than the drawbacks.

Practicing gratitude can be as simple as saying ‘thank you’ more often or be as deep and reflective as keeping a journal which serves as almost a meditation on gratitude. There are many steps in between the two as well.

One thing I know for sure is gratitude is a choice and one that is transformative. Today, on Thanksgiving, I have many things to be thankful for including thanks for your time in reading this. I invite you to consider for what and for whom you feel thankful. Just doing this for a few minutes everyday makes a difference…..for you, as well as those around you!